Dear sister, thank you so much for your concern. A big percentage of physical pain that is felt in our bodies, whether a headache, stomach ache, feeling tired, etc, are all signs of mental health concerns and possible depression. Your doctor is right. If you are having physical pain that the doctors cannot find a physical reason for this then it is most likely that you are feeling pain because of stress. When stress is not dealt with appropriately dealt with, then physical pain will take its course. This pain can be helped by medication, but it would be most likely dealt with if you deal with your stress and anxiety. I would also recommend that you get counseling as well.

Dear Sister Hana,

I am writing you this note with an important topic I wanted to hear your opinion about. I, as well as many friends that I have, are experiencing the same thing that I am. I got married a few years ago and left my family who live in another state. Since then I have been feeling really guilty about leaving them to be married to someone out of state. I was the youngest in the family and have been feeling really bad about them being alone now. My mother does not have anyone to help her or keep her company. I am carrying this worry and guilt with me to the point where I don’t want to be happy because I caused them to be sad. I try my best to call them a few times a day and keep up on their lives. What do you think I should do to get over this guilt and be happy with my life?

Dear Sister, I as well as people that I know as well, go through the same worry and guilt. Alhamdullah, we all left our families to raise our own Islamic families for the sake of Allah. That is what our parents did and what we are doing and what our kids will do. To feel guilty about it, is not rational. As women, our life after marriage is about our new family and husband. Although it is human and Islamic to take care of our parents and care for them, if that is not possible for you now that you are far away from them, you can substitute this by doing other things. For example, you can call them everyday, ask about their health and days, show them that you care by sharing your life with them so they can live with your happiness as you with theirs and try to see them as often as you possibly can. Feeling guilty is not what Allah intends us to feel when we get married. We should be happy, and share that happiness with our new families as well as our parents. They will not be happy if they knew you felt that way and that should be a good reason why you let this go and try to enjoy your new life.

Dear Sister Hana,

I am writing you to give me the most healthy and Islamic advice in regards to marital conflicts. My husband and I have a good relationship but disagree and some fundamental things that we were not aware of when we were engaged. We got married in a traditional way and knew each other little when we married. Now we are three years into this relationship and we are still have some problems that are major issues that could affect our future. What would be the best thing to do about this? I feel stuck.

Dear Sister, Thank you for opening up to me and telling me about this issue. I am going to try to answer this question to the best of my knowledge, as always, and as short as possible. First of all, I understand that our traditional way of getting married may seem like it does not give us the right amount of time to get to know someone, however I don’t believe that this is true. Yes we may be limited with time, but that is the time where all the fundamental and important questions should be asked. It’s not as important to plan the wedding, flower by flower, but to ask the important questions about personality, beliefs and values. Unfortunately many parents don’t teach their daughters and sons to ask the future spouse important questions like their view of marriage, roles in the house, raising children, respect, fear of Allah, etc. The argument then could be that the future spouse can not say the truth. Yes, that is possible. At that time, if you are married and realize that you are not getting anywhere with your husband and will always disagree on fundamental issues in marriage, then it most likely will not work out. However, before you make that judgment, make sure that you are communicating well with your husband. Talk to each other about your disagreement and try to come up with a compromise that will work for both of you. You can also try to talk to someone you both trust that can help your disagreements. Remember to be calm, patient and respectful of each other and Inshallah everything will work out with kindness and fear of Allah.