Dear sis and salaam,

I understand that this might be to heavy for the newspaper....If you don’t want to print it that is up to you. And a quick question, I am looking for an affordable therapist, do you know of any?

Dear Sister Hana,

I am a young woman and happily married. My husband and I are of different cultures, and I know he is not completely comfortable with my mental health.
I suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and social anxiety. It is very very hard for me to explain how I feel mentally to him. Why I will get angry sometimes, why I have a hard time around people, and why sexually I can not always be there. I just cannot find the words. Could you please help me find the words?

Dear Sister,

Thank you so much for your inquiry. There is no question too heavy for the newspaper, so please feel free to ask me anything you want. There are many behavioral health therapists in the area, all you have to do is call the number of your insurance and it will direct you to the providers that take your insurance. If you do not have insurance, you can look it up online; however, I am unable to make any recommendations at this time.

To answer your question, based on the information that you provided, it sounds like you are suffering from some serious mental illnesses that would require professional help. I am really encouraging you to get professional help for yourself. Living with constant irritability and anxiety is a very unhealthy way to live in the long run. It will cause you many physical issues as well if this is continued without proper care. It is really important in this situation that you have the knowledge that you need to explain yourself to other people. If you are not able to explain and understand yourself why you are suffering with this, then it will be even harder to expect yourself to explain it to other people. So getting educated yourself is number one. Number two, it would be good to have very open communication with your husband, explain to him your triggers and things that make you upset so that he and you can be aware of what may make you angry or depressed or anxious. If you know your triggers it would be so much easier to avoid them and therefore, prevent negative situations. And finally please seek professional help. There is nothing wrong with needing professional help; there are medications and proper therapies that can be used that will help you with many of your symptoms if not all of them. You don’t have to suffer alone, please know that there is help out there and that you deserve that help.
Thank you, I will pray for you.

Sincerely,

Sister Hana,

Dear Sister Hana,

I have been having an ongoing situation with my husband. We are both Arab Muslims, I was born here and he was born in the Middle East. We used to get along so much better when we first got married but recently it has not been the case. He is always irritated, does not help me around the house and does not help with our two year old daughter. He is always asking me to stop nagging to him even though I don’t feel like I am, and seems to be really annoyed from being at home. He has been spending a lot of time out of the house and that makes me feel really bad. I don’t understand what I am doing that is so wrong as he tells me, but if there is anything I can do to make this situation better I would like to know. Any advice?

Dear sister,

Thank you for your courage in explaining your situation. Many couples go through hard times in their relationship. They say the first years are the hardest and they are. It seems as though with you, the first years were better because it was the time where you both had a higher tolerance of each other’s imperfections and when that died down and reality set in, the conflicts started. There are many things that you can try to be aware of, and make sure that you are doing, that can help this situation. Now, I don’t know the extent of the story, only what you have told me, so you may already be doing some of these suggestions, but here is what I suggest:
When a husband asks his wife to not nag, it means the wife is nagging. Nagging is asking too many questions, arguing about everything and complaining about everything. If you feel like you may be doing any one of the following that may be what your husband is talking about. Wives have the duty to make their home the most pleasant and positive place for their families. It is also the responsibility of the husband, but mainly of the wife. If the husband comes home after a long day of work to a complaining wife, then of course he won’t want to come home. It is our duty in front of Allah to be there for our husbands, to make our homes clean and safe (of conflict and criticism) and to show them appreciation and love. All that is required of you is not physical things, its just verbal acknowledgment of his hard work, and respect for his quiet and relaxing time. That does not mean that you should not talk to him when he comes home or that he should not help you, but everything in moderation is good. If he wants to, then good, and if he is too tired, then leave him alone. Wouldn’t you want to be left alone when you are tired from working all day? I don’t know if you are an employed mother, but if you are not, you have to understand that working outside the house is just as tiring if not more than working inside the house. So please take that into consideration. When the husband comes home and is immediately bombarded with orders and commands, his home life will become unpleasant and this will directly affect the relationship and the whole dynamic of the family. The best way to go about this is to be respectful towards each other’s feelings, time and requests. I hope this helped. Good luck to you.

Sincerely,

Sister Hana